Be a Better Lover, Learn to Cook

The time, the focus, and the effort you put into the food you make, the wine you select, and the experience you create speak unsaid volumes.

Be a Better Lover, Learn to Cook
Photo by Calum Lewis / Unsplash

Men, if you want to impress a future lover (or your current one), and I mean really impress them then do this one simple thing.

Learn to cook.

I mean learn to cook, not just microwave hot pockets or make spaghetti. Learn how to cook an egg, learn about how to make a roux, learn what mirepoix is. Invest in this most basic education — how to properly feed and sustain yourself so that you can sustain another human.

Why? Because there’s something primal about feeding your love interest. The time, the focus, and the effort you put into the food you make, the wine you select, and the experience you create speak unsaid volumes.

Be a gentleman, have your shit together.

It communicates to your love interest that she/he/they are special to you that you want to break bread with them. It’s a circle for two, intimate and bonding.

I’m reminded of this level of intimacy shared between lovers because of Mysterious Witt’s posted. There was a passage from her article Post-Divorce and Desiring Casual Sex, I Still Wanted the “Boyfriend Experience” where she wrote about a lover that prepared a meal for her.

I left a short comment about how in my experience cooking for a potential lover always ended up with me and her between the sheets.

My comment was this:

Speaking from personal experience, whenever I cooked a meal for a prospective sex partner we always ended up between the sheets that night.
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Of course, I’m grossly simplifying this. If a potential lover agreed to come to your apartment or house for a home-cooked meal then you already have built up a rapport that makes them feel safe and secure. The adage of “don’t be a creep” still applies here. Be a gentleman, have your shit together.

I first learned this truth when I was living on my own, living a single professional life in New Mexico. I had my first crappy apartment with a small kitchen and pull-out bed. I don’t remember how I met my girlfriend but I think it was at some group function. We got to chatting and hit it off.

We started to “hang out” one on one and there was a growing romantic interest between us. I went grocery shopping one day and returned home to see a message from her on my answering machine (yes, I’m old. This was before mobile phones). I called her back and we made plans to go somewhere but in the meantime, I invited her to come over as I was cooking chicken soup.

In my single life, I used to meal prep and freeze my lunches and dinners for a few days. When she came over I asked her if she wanted a bowl of soup. It wasn’t anything special, just some vegetables, some elbow noodles, and bits of chicken. We sat down together and ate the soup.

If you know how to make delicious sauces that drizzle over the food with care, what else can you “drizzle” on her body with care?

We chatted and I went to clean up after we finished our soup. She followed me into the kitchen and pounced. I went from single to having a girlfriend that evening.

Another time I prepared a picnic for a different love interest that ended up with a steamy evening between us. What did I pack? A few sandwiches, some snacks, a bottle of wine, and a blanket.


Author + team making a molten chocolate lava cake in a bake off contest. Yes, we won.

Gentlemen invest in an online cooking class. If you live in a large city, go check out a cooking class. They even have singles cooking classes! Learn how to chop an onion without crying. Learn how to make pasta, it’s so easy! You might even meet someone you might want to cook for!

Why makes cooking so seductive?

Simple.

As a cook you need to be creative, you need to figure out ways to tantalize the taste buds of your lover. It communicates that you can spice things up and you pay attention to things. In other words, you might be adventurous in the bedroom.

As a cook, you know how to make things boil or bring them to the right temperature. If you can do that in the kitchen, imagine what you can bring to a boil in the bedroom. If you know how to make delicious sauces that drizzle over the food with care, what else can you “drizzle” on her body with care?

You know how to bake a decadent dessert, a delight for her lips. You can prepare a feast that the both of you can ravenously devour, as you would each other in the bedroom.

There is such a sensual aspect to this that every single man out there needs to internalize.

If you want to “cook” in the bedroom, you have to learn how to cook in the kitchen.