Traumatizing our Kids one Sexy Act at a Time
Parents, do you remember the time before you had kids? You know, those carefree times where it was just you and your lover. Long walks on the beach, romance, cuddles, and gratuitous amounts of sex?
Then one day in the throes of passion you both say, “let’s make a baby!” The sex becomes primal, you dream of the perfect family together, and 9 months later your life changes.
Holy shit does it change and fast!
My wife(39) and I (41) have sex pretty much every night. We try to keep it quiet, bedroom door shut and locked at all times, nothing outside the bedroom, but they have to know, right? I mean bed creaks and whatnot, not to mention the occasional moan that I have to remind her that the kids are still in the house. [via Reddit]
WTF Was I Thinking?
Any parents reading this will have their “WTF was I thinking” moment. Being a parent can be incredibly stressful. Your life changes the moment your child draws its first breath and screams at the top of its lungs.
The whole relationship dynamic with your partner changes and suddenly it’s not about the two of you anymore, it’s about this cute little bundle of joy. That bubbly squealing little creature with cute toes and giggles that needs constant changing, burping, and cleaning up milk barf.
We have sex nightly. Our teenager knows. Sometimes she gives us shit about it. We all have a good laugh. via luv2bstuffed
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and I wish I had more! But after baby #2 Mrs. Ott gave me that look that said, “don’t you dare put any more babies in me! I have a knife and I know how to use it.”
Vasectomy, here I come.
I’m putting this up front and center, my kids killed our sex life in the early years. I think every couple with kids sees a drop in their sexy time activities. You’re so exhausted from raising, caring, and cleaning the little rug rats that sex is the furthest thing from your mind. Never mind all the household and work duties you still have to do!
Knowing your parents love each other doesn’t create trauma. via akaghi
Then Nature pulls a cruel trick on you. She still makes you horny. You want to initiate sex but your partner is not in the mood. Then when your partner initiates sex, you’re not in the mood. Things start to get weird because you’re not in sync and then if you’re lucky, might have sex once or twice a month.
But then you talk and you decide to work through this. You schedule a time to be intimate. You might get a babysitter to watch the kids so you can go out on a dinner date.
While the having sex may be a bit embarrassing for youngsters, it sure beats the undercurrents of resentment and…hard to find the right words here…that come from a sexless marriage. via ByCriminy
In time things start to turn around in the bedroom. There’s more intimacy, the kids are getting older, and you can sleep in with your partner. Suddenly there’s more time for you and your partner to get a bit wilder in the sheets.
Then one evening in the vocal throes of passion your son calls out from his bedroom, “Mom? Are you Ok?”
Was he listening to us the whole time? What did he hear? OMG, it’s so embarrassing!
Why are these kids always watching and listening?
My son started realizing about age 15 that my husband and I were like two horny teenagers. He thought it was funny. He tells his friends that if they come over they should stay on the far side of the house.
It led us to have open conversations about sex and we can talk about anything. I think people need to stop hiding sex. via AnnieB512
Oh right, they’re kids and they’re learning from you. All the good from bad, the right from wrong, and wondering why Mommy is crying from her “nightmares” a few times a week.
Traumatizing Your Kids
You and your partner ARE NOT YOUR PARENTS. I want to state this loud and clear. How our parents handled their sex lives in the context of their upbringing and society at the time is different than what you and I face today.
It hasn’t always been this way for us though. There was a 5 year or so slump, starting at almost exactly out 7 year anniversary, which is also about the point that we had two small children running around sucking all of our collective energy. via MichiganDad1
I like to believe that parents of today are taking a more realistic approach to parenting and sex. A healthy couple realizes that sex is important to maintaining a well-functioning love and family life. That means they have sex frequently and the probability of the kids finding out about sexy time increases.
An ex-girlfriend of mine was horrified when she walked into her parent’s bedroom and saw her mother giving her father a blowjob. She was a teenager at the time and knew what was going on but she never considered her parents to be in a sexual relationship.
So, for me and my wife, the thing that helped our sex life most was reconnecting outside of the bedroom. Even with a pretty good relationship, it’s easy to get complacent and just not really connect much anymore. via selfishlicker
She confided in me later that at first she was freaked out by it but was happy that her mom and dad had a loving relationship. Her mom talked to her about it and that was that. The message was this: mom and dad have sex, we like it, and we’re going to keep doing it. Just remember to knock first!
That’s the right behavior to model for our kids. You want them to learn what a happy, healthy, and loving relationship is between their parents so that one day if they choose to become parents or not, they can have the same loving relationship with their partner(s).
Parents expressing their love for each other is not traumatizing at all. It’s completely normal and why, for the life of me, do we shy away from this topic?
Would the world be different if put this front and center, show what a loving partnership is really about? Would we change the trajectory of the world? Would there be more peace, tranquility, and bliss?
Let’s face it, sex isn’t everything but it sure means a lot, especially to us parents. It’s how we reconnect, show love and affection for each other, and help bring new life into the world.
I think modeling a healthy, loving, physically intimate relationship between two loving individuals is great parenting.
As my husband says, “I refuse to do the walk of shame in our own house.” via luv2bstuffed
I want my kids to understand how important this all is for themselves and for their future partners and lovers. Even if it means shutting their door and cranking up the music tonight.
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