Of Love, Loss, and Dancing

Remembrance, © 2021 Thomas Ott

You’re not on a journey, you’re on a dance floor

We vacationed in Cape Cod recently. It was a great vacation filled with camping, biking, swimming, fishing, and eating — lots of eating. The weather was divine but all was not well in the Ott household.

We had to say goodbye to our dog, Sweetie when we were away. She’s been in poor health over the past year and a week before we left, she took a nosedive. We hoped for the best and put her in the care of my sister, a very experienced animal handler.

Love is love. It’s so simple, just as it should be

Sadly she declined further the week we were away and we received a difficult phone call from my sister. I sat in the room with my daughter and tearfully gave the ok to put her down. I felt so guilty for not being there but she was suffering. It was the last act of love we could give her and it just shredded our hearts.

My God, how can one little dog weave its way into our hearts so deeply? We miss you Sweetie girl.

Pilgrim Park

I happened to walk by Pilgrim Park in Provincetown after Sweetie was put down. There, in the middle of the park, were engraved stones with messages. All of the messages were of love, devotion, and remembrance of someone or something.

It was touching to see some people leaving rocks and stones on some of the memorials as a way to let the dearly departed spirits know that the living were still thinking of them.

One, in particular, caught my eye.

Since Provincetown is very open and welcoming to people and lovers of many different sexual orientations, I’m going to make a bold assumption and say that Debbie and Kathryn were lovers. I assume that Debbie is no longer on this plane of existence too.

I hope you can feel the love, the loss, and the grieving in the words that Kathryn wrote for Debbie. I know I do.

Love is love. It’s so simple, just as it should be.

Death has been Stalking us

Death has been on my mind a lot lately, and so has Life. Death has been stalking my family over the past few years and it struck this year. My father’s health is in decline and last February two-thirds of my family suffered from a Covid19 outbreak.

It put my parents and aunt in the hospital for days. I’m grateful and lucky that they all survived, but I have friends who weren’t so lucky.

I guess Death didn’t want to leave without something, so it claimed my dog.

Hopefully, it won’t be visiting us again for a long time.

The loss and following grief of a loved one leaves an immense hole in our lives. The ones left alive need that time to grieve and to heal. It takes time, for some it can be a few days or weeks, for others it can be years. There’s no exact time to deal with the process, but it is a process that you must deal with and not shy away from.

Love is a renewable resource

There’s often regret in life and when our loved ones reach the end of life, and they come spilling out. There are several articles on the top regrets of the dying, and I’ll highlight 5 of them from a Huffington post:

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I don’t know about you but I want to have as little regret as possible on my death bed. Since we don’t know when Death will come for us, doesn’t it make sense to live our lives with no regrets at all?

I believe so, for our time on this plane is finite. It’s a one-way trip to the dirt nap. For some of us, it comes too quickly.

Time is Not a Renewable Resource

Time is not a renewable resource. That’s a fact and it should give you a feeling of urgency. It should inspire you to NOT have regrets.

It should give you the courage to live your true and authentic life, express your feelings, and seek happiness.

We need every Debbie, every Kathryn, and every Sweetie

For all we know, this is the only shot each one of us has on this plane of existence. Clear your mind and look deep inside you. See that if each passing minute doesn’t bring you closer to happiness and your authentic self, then it’s wasted.

Now, onto the best part. If Time is not a renewable resource, then what is?


Love is a renewable resource. Love for self, love for others, love for your lover, partner, pet companion, for the world, for your community.

“And he still gives his love, he just gives it away The love he receives is the love that is saved. — Pearl Jam, Given to Fly”

Love can be renewed. It can regrow, and it can be saved. It can flow. It is all around us if we let it in and embrace it.

Your Life, Our Lives Are Dances

People always tell me that Life is Journey. It has a beginning and an end. I think that people are confusing their life with Time. Both have a beginning and an end, so the natural assumption is that they’re the same.

What if I told you that Life is a dance and you were meant to dance along with it?

This idea isn’t new, it’s what Zen philosopher Alan Watts recorded back in the Beat Generation. Life is playful and it has no specific end goal, except for the sake of playfulness. It’s a dance with the sole aim for you to dance. It’s music to be played, poetry to be written, and love to be expressed.

We must stop equating Life as a journey because it misses the point completely. We are here to love, feel, grieve, cry, touch, get dirty, and orgasm instead of racing from a starting line to an end line.

We need to be a part of all this to NOT have those regrets.

We need every Debbie, every Kathryn, and every Sweetie.

We need everyone of you to dance. Hold your partner tight and get on that dance floor.

I love you all.

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